I must say that grief is an animal I’ve never really had to deal with before. And now I am finding that I am not too well prepared to grapple with it. Sometimes it wins. I must tell you all that the day my mom died, I took my rosary and walked along the windy streets of my neighborhood. I grabbed a cloth handkerchief, too. Tears fell freely. I finally found myself at my church. I sat in the Marian Garden for a very long time talking to the Blessed Mother and getting my handkerchief very wet. That walk got me though the funeral. I held it together for that. Now it has been over three months since Mom died. Some days are good but some days I can’t even look at her picture with out getting a lump in my throat and feeling a tear slip down my cheek. Memories flood into my mind. Some cause me to smile and talk to Mom about how good she was to me and my sibs. Others cause me to shed a tear and talk to Mom about how good she was to me and my sibs. I find that I miss her more than I thought I would. I’ve lived away from home for well over 45 years, so I didn’t see her everyday. (I must thank two of my sibs for being near enough to carry the load of looking after Mom and now Dad) I’m finding that what I miss is just knowing that she was always just a phone call away. I could, and did, picture her sitting in her chair next to Dad working a crossword puzzle, or stirring a pot of green beans on the stove for dinner. Now she is not doing those things, and I find that profoundly sad. It is hard to put into words just what grief feels like. And I am sure it is different for each person who grieves and for whom they are grieving. I don’t know how long the sadness will live with me or how long I will fight with grief. But one thing I have learned is that fighting is futile. I’m learning to let the waves of sadness wash over me. See them for what they are–cherished memories–and embrace them. My weapons were useless against grief because I never had any to begin with. I think surrender is the right thing for me to do. December 7, 2021